The more that someone calls himself or herself a songwriter and doesn't have much material; you know they are only trying to plant this idea in their head that they are something they are not.
I've been fighting this for a very long time, mostly because I feel stuck inside my own built up pressure and insecurity of what I'm trying to accomplish. Over winter break I tried to get into a better mindset and break down some walls with myself I’ve had for many years. Sometimes I feel like I'm not the right person for this dream. But the little nit-picking voice in my own head is the only thing holding me back. Life is an experiment. So every day I try to go about some things differently.
Lately I've been trying to stay up late and see where my thoughts escape. The silence. The darkness. I'm figuring it out along the way.
I'm planning on posting some things I come up with here on my blog and nowhere else. But the thing with plans is, they don't always work out. I pride myself on being as honest as I can be, and though my thoughts may come out a bit harsh, I still try to say how I'm feeling no matter the situation. I've guided myself on my own through most of my life and spent most of my time searching for ways to occupy my mind to avoid thoughts I didn't want to face. Now that I'm older I have to fight myself not to do that and it's really difficult. I'm not sure if others have this problem as well, but I feel as though I'm not alone in this. The point of this post is to give myself a pinch of bravery by sharing it with readers of my website. Even if no one responds or leaves a comment I feel like this will help me get one step closer to breaking down the walls and letting my head and heart free to be my true self. If you did read this, thank you. Thank you for your time.